Hot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Self-Loading PistolsHot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Self-Loading Pistols - Internet Movie Firearms Database - Guns in Movies, TV and Video GamesHot Dogs, Horseshoes & Hand Grenades/Self-Loading Pistols
Handguns in H3 are split into seven categories, based on their method of operation: Automatic (i.e. self-loading), Revolver (covered in the next sub-page), Machine Pistol (most of which are here, though some are on the submachine gun sub-page; the distinction is largely arbitrary, as the term has no formalized definition), Breech Loading, Lever Action, Bolt Action (which are listed on the rifles/carbines/battle rifles page, as the category currently consists solely of sawn-off bolt-action rifles), and Muzzle Loading. The sole exception lies at the very bottom of this page; it is categorized (presumably on the basis of caliber) with the anti-materiel rifles.
Beretta 92FS (Grammaton Cleric pistol)
Replicas of the modified Grammaton Cleric pistol from the movie Equilibrium are available in-game, having been added through Update #37. The Grammaton Cleric comes in full-auto, and boasts the same interesting muzzle flash as the movie gun.
The Beretta 950BS Jetfire is one of the available firearms in-game, having been added through the first Meatmas update. 2 versions are available - a standard blued model with black plastic grips, and a gold-plated model with mother-of-pearl grips.
The Beretta M9A1 is one of the 4 pistols added in Update #5. Upon its introduction, it was permanently fitted with a suppressor; this was removed in favor of a threaded barrel in Update #20 (which introduced detachable suppressors to the game).
The Beretta Px4 Storm is one of the available firearms in-game. It was added in Update #20, and is correctly able to share magazines with the earlier M9A1, the concurrently-added Cx4, and the later-added Mx4.
The Wurstwurld update brought along a Bergmann Simplex pocket pistol, among many other things. Of note is that this is the first ever appearance of this variant of the weapon in a video game, and only the second documented appearance of it in any form of media, the first being in The Mystic Archives of Dantalian.
Added in the sixth alpha build of Update #85, H3 expands its list of first-time-in-a-video-game Bergmann pistols with the No. 5, an 1897-vintage, full-sized semiautomatic. Two variants are available - a standard pistol and a long-barreled carbine - both of which are compatible with a concurrently-added attachable stock (or any of the game's other pistol-stocks, for that matter).
Added in the fifth alpha of Update #85, the Borchardt C-93 distinguishes itself as H3's oldest autoloading firearm.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingBorchardt C-93 - 7.65x25mm BorchardtError creating thumbnail: File missingThe Board Shark, in all of its unergonomic glory.Error creating thumbnail: File missingBeing one of the first ever self-loading pistols (and the first one to achieve any real commercial success), this is somewhat understandable - it takes a while for people to figure out the best way to do things. Sometimes, it's just a matter of trial and error.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOh, and it also has a vertically-sliding safety. Which is considerably less of a loading aid than these screenshots would suggest.Error creating thumbnail: File missing"And they call this thing a "self-loader"... the audacity of some folks never ceases to amaze."Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering a round. If the C-93's toggle-locked action looks familiar, it's probably because Georg Luger's design was effectively an improvement on Hugo Borchardt's, largely because the latter wouldn't listen to constructive criticism.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming at the spot where a target was just moments before.Error creating thumbnail: File missingBlasting another floating bullseye; this seemingly unaimed shot is less a feat of shooting prowess and more a side-effect of screen-capturing programs only recording the left eye's view.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPressing the magazine release. Dropping century-old pistol magazines on the ground isn't something you should really be doing, especially not when they're in this good of condition.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnd speaking of things that you should really not be doing...Error creating thumbnail: File missingIt's so profoundly, deeply wrong that the mere act of pointing it at something creates chaos and destruction. Heaven knows what untold devastation would occur if this device were actually to be fired...
Browning Hi-Power
The Browning Hi-Power was the first weapon added in the 1st Meatmas update. Notably, it is correctly depicted as being unfireable without a magazine inserted.
Added in the fifth alpha build of Update #85, the Colt M1911 joins H3VR's roster of auto-loading handguns as a completely separate, distinct pistol from the M1911A1 below (largely to add more variety to the end-game weapon pool of the Take & Hold character Cowweiner Calico); interestingly, this makes H3 one of (if not the) only games to feature both.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingColt M1911 - .45 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingTaking a moment to appreciate the M1911. The pre-A1 guns are a scarce sight in games to begin with, let alone games that have A1s as well.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA closer look at the right side reveals the original M1911's distinctive "diamond" grip panels; these are, however, an interchangeable part.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in a magazine; these are interchangeable with all the rest.Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering a round of .45 ACP. While not the first gun to use the round (an honor instead belonging to the Colt M1905), the M1911 was undoubtedly the one that really got it off the ground.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming at a steel target; the M1911's sights are a bit small, but such was typical of this era.Error creating thumbnail: File missingStripping some paint from the plate.Error creating thumbnail: File missingHitting the magazine release, and watching the magazine just start to work its way out of the well. A couple frames later, it's out of the shot entirely.Error creating thumbnail: File missingComparing the M1911 with an M1911A1 that was conveniently lying around; note the aforementioned grip panels, as well as the differences in mainspring housing design (straight vs. curved), trigger type (long vs. short), grip safety design (short beavertail vs. long beavertail), and frame type (without vs. with recesses near the trigger). While not visible here, the A1 also has a larger ejection port and a smaller hammer spur.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnd, when you find yourself holding two subtly-different 1911 variants, what else is there to do but pull both devil triggers?
Colt M1911A1
The M1911A1 is one of the available firearms in-game, added in Update #3. Update #23 added 2 cosmetic variants: one with a matte-gray finish and green synthetic grips, and one with a gold-plated finish and black grips.
A unique, fully-automatic version of the latter with a length of about 1 meter (and, formerly, unlimited ammunition) is available in the Meatmas Snowglobe level and as a rare drop in Take And Hold; this version is referred to as, of all possible names, "Floppy McLongflopper". This is a reference to a series of requests on the game's subreddit by a user named "RichardLongflop" for a "longslide" version of the M1911A1 (which grew increasingly elaborate, to the point of submitting a fake bug report video in which he literally wrote the request on a target with bulletholes); while presumably referring to something along the lines of an AMT Hardballer Longslide, the lack of an actual specified slide length in the requests led game dev Anton Hand to create this monstrosity instead.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe "Floppy McLongflopper" sitting on a table. Even without the backstory, it's still a rather fitting name, wouldn't you say?Error creating thumbnail: File missingUnfortunately, all of that L E N G T H makes it a bit tricky to use.Error creating thumbnail: File missingEspecially considering its impressive muzzle rise (which is actually just the same as the standard M1911A1, and is simply exaggerated by both the full-auto fire and the increased deviation from center created by the distance from the pivot point to the muzzle). This does raise questions about how it even manages to cycle the slide with that much extra weight on it, all of which are answered with "it's a meter-long golden machine pistol, why are you trying to apply any sort of logical reasoning here".Error creating thumbnail: File missingAttempting to aim the Floppy; the fact that the front sight isn't any larger than it is on the normal variants makes this a bit tricky.Error creating thumbnail: File missingStill, it's all worth it for the ability to muzzle an enemy from three feet away, give a dramatic one-liner, and watch the meat-bits fly.
Lebman Machine Pistol
A fully-automatic variant of the M1911A1, based on the machine pistol conversions created by Hyman Lebman, is one of Update #52's additions; it was added during the "St. Valentine's Day Meatssacre" alpha build, and is referred to as the "M1911A1 Dillinger", in reference to the famous Prohibition-era gangster John Dillinger (who used a similar pistol during his time as a criminal).
Error creating thumbnail: File missingHyman Lebman-converted M1911A1 machine pistol - .38 SuperError creating thumbnail: File missingThe converted M1911A1, complete with Cutts compensator and Thompson-type foregrip.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in the weapon's unique magazine (which is interchangeable with other M1911 pistols and magazines).Error creating thumbnail: File missingSaid magazine holds 18 rounds, and is essentially just several existing magazines welded together.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPulling back the slide.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPseudo-aiming the pistol, which is close enough to actually aiming it to show off the illuminated sights; these were a byproduct of the weapon being a modified version of the existing M1911A1 model, and didn't stay around for long.Error creating thumbnail: File missingEspecially when one considers the sheer amount of recoil this weapon produces, which renders aiming a bit unnecessary anyways.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAffixing a Luger carbine stock (compatible for the sake of fun), which allows a clearer view of the pistol's rear end. It also allows a clearer view of...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...the updated sights, which lack the luminous dots of the original version.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring; between the stock and subsequent updates to recoil systems, the pistol's kick is actually manageable enough to merit use of the sights. The fact that the compensator has its own taller front sight that doesn't line up with the others does put a bit of a damper on this, unfortunately.
"Oversize M1911A1"
Update #52's 7th alpha build (the April Fools' Day special) included the so-called "Oversize" version of the M1911A1. As the name implies, it is substantially larger than the standard M1911A1, being more akin in size to a howitzer than a handgun; to facilitate human use, it is fitted with several RIS-type grips for handling, a rail on the side for sights (as attempting to aim with the standard slide-mounted irons would likely lead to the user being decapitated), and an equally massive bipod for more stable use.
It fires the ".45 ACP Oversize" round, which, amusingly, had already been added to the game several updates prior; many enterprising players combined this with the ability to cook off and/or directly strike the primers of loose rounds to set them off (introduced in Update #48), and the game's substantial amounts of freedom with regards to rail adaptor placement (or spacially-lockable platforms, for that matter) to create various devices to launch these rounds. This gun can also fire so-called MIRV rounds, standing for Multiple Independent Re-entry Vehicle. This is a term used for Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles (ICBMs) that carry clustered munitions (by "munitions," read "thermonuclear missiles") which separate in outer space and re-enter the earth's atmosphere as separately-guided missiles.
The so-called MIRV rounds for this gun however contain cluster munitions (fortunately not thermonuclear missiles, although that would be fascinating for the few milliseconds you were still alive for after they detonated) that detonate a few hundred meters away from the gun in mid-air (or on impact if sooner). This shows that far from being an MIRV, this type of round is essentially an artillery cluster bomb shell. One example of this type of round is the so-called ICM or Improved Conventional Munitions, an acronym that is not a million miles away from ICBM, which may be where the idea of MIRV came from. This is a moot point anyway given that it is impossible in practical terms to launch an unpowered projectile into space. Of course it goes without saying that this mistaken acronym completely ruins the otherwise totally realistic experience of firing a 10-foot-tall Colt 1911.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing"Huh? What's this? Why would someone make a massive 1911 magaz..."Error creating thumbnail: File missing"Oh."Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading the massive magazine into the massive handgun. Awkward angles are all but mandatory.Error creating thumbnail: File missingRacking the slide (by way of the diagonally-attached handle on the side); this shot also shows that the rather literal hand-cannon is apparently made by "HEDEN GUN CO. INC" out of "HEDEN, .N.Y". This fictional manufacturer (complete with fictional town and mis-written postal code) is shared with the standard M1911A1 variants (which makes sense, as the Oversize is a scaled-up version thereof).Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring a "Mortar" round (which, as previously shown, uses the model of a tracer, and as presently shown, looks like one when initially fired).Error creating thumbnail: File missingThis round is the simplest of the 3 available types, being an impact-detonated high-explosive shell, as seen here.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThat shell plus 6 more equals an empty artillery piece, meriting a mag swap; this is done by punching (yes, punching) the magazine release button...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...which, assuming that the gun is high enough off the ground, dumps out the magazine with a loud "CLUNK".Error creating thumbnail: File missingIf you're feeling tired after hefting around a literal artillery piece, no worries!Error creating thumbnail: File missingJust unfold the bipod, and take a load off.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA bit of futzing with the ammo spawning panel grants a magazine loaded with what appear to be jacketed hollowpoints; these are actually what are known as "Mega Buckshot" rounds.Error creating thumbnail: File missing""Mega Buckshot"? What on Earth could that possibly..."Error creating thumbnail: File missing"...wow. I don't know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't that."Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring off another MBS round with the game's optional bullet trails enabled gives a better idea of just what "that" is: each shell fires several "pellets", if you will; upon hitting a surface, these "pellets" explode, releasing a burst of .50 BMG tracer projectiles.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading the last type of round directly into the chamber; this round, visually resembling an FMJ, is a MIRV (Multiple Indepent Reentry Vehicle) round. It's not every day that you see something with terminology more generally associated with long-range ballistic missiles being loaded into a handgun. With these essentially being artillery cluster shells as mentioned above, the lack of an adjustable fuze makes these impractical. Not that there's anything else impractical about this gun.Error creating thumbnail: File missingIf grabbing a hold of the slide-mounted grip and wrestling with the recoil spring directly just isn't your style, the slide release is always an option.Error creating thumbnail: File missingJust grab on, and yank downward with everything you've got.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOne of the more bizarre features of the weapon (yes, it gets more bizarre) is the exposed firing pin; should one not want to disturb a well lined-up shot, they can simply leave the pistol as-is, and hit the firing pin with another, smaller handgun, like this M29 here.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPreferably from slightly further away, assuming that you value your wrists more than a close view of the MIRV round's curious blue tracer. A real priorital toss-up, I know.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThanks to the magic of bullet trails, the MIRV round's mechanics can be more clearly seen; each shell starts out solid, then splits into 7 smaller explosive shells after a fixed period in mid-air (or just explodes all at once if it hits something first). If they had been genuine MIRV munitions, then 50 years from this shot being fired, a guy's grand-kids in a cave in the post-nuclear apocalypse would be asking him what led to the collapse of human civilization, to which his reply would be "Well kids, it all started with this guy in a desert who had a giant handgun..."
"Soundcheck"
Added in Update #91 (the 2020 4th of July update), the "Soundcheck" is a TF2-styled M1911A1, chambered in the fictitious ".52 AMP" ("Automatic Meaty Pistol") round, which had been added to the game several updates prior with nothing to fire it. The round comes in two forms: a standard FMJ, and a "Jacketed Hollow Patriot" round that fires 3 tracer flechettes per shot - one red, one white, and one blue.
Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer
Another weapon added in the fifth alpha of Update #85, the seldom-seen Colt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer is available; the in-game model has a deep-blued finish with gold inlays, a rounded hammer, and pearl grips.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingColt Model 1903 Pocket Hammer - .38 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingThe Pocket Hammer.Error creating thumbnail: File missingIncomplete sentences? Of course! What better weapon than a pearl-gripped 1903 for a rebel without a clause?Error creating thumbnail: File missingShoving in 7 rounds of John Browning's 1900-designed .38 ACP - not to be confused with John Browning's 1908-designed .380 ACP, of course. The latter is 9x17mm, whereas the former is 9x23mm - not to be confused, of course, with the 9x23mm Steyr, or the 9x23mm Winchester, or the dimensionally-identical-but-loaded-to-dramatically-higher-pressures .38 Super, because cartridge designations are fun.Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering one of these sensibly-named rounds, showing off the interestingly bulged barrel; this is art of the pistol's short-recoil locking system, which distinguishes the 1903 Pocket Hammer from the straight-blowback 1903 Pocket Hammerless (which is, in spite of the name, hammer-fired) chambered in .32 ACP, which also has a near-identical variant known as the Model 1908 Pocket Hammerless in .380 ACP (not .38 ACP), not to be confused with the Model 1908 Vest Pocket, which is the same gun scaled down to .25 ACP, not to be confused with... you get the point.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPreparing to vent some frustration on a Sosig's head; being a turn-of-the-century pocket pistol, the irons are all but invisible.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPutting a 9-millimeter hole in the Sosig. Or is it .38-caliber? Or .357-caliber? .356? 103.285 gauge?Error creating thumbnail: File missingEjecting the pistol's magazine before its contents can do any more confuzzling. It's rain ov tearer iz ovur.
Colt Woodsman Match Target
One of the weapons added in the 2018 Halloween update (the main headline of which was the Return of the Rotweiners gamemode, a large-scale rogue-lite zombie RPG) was a Colt Woodsman Match Target .22 target pistol with gold-inlaid engravings and pearl grips; the pistol is exclusive to the mode by default, and can only be unlocked for general use by completing part of it.
One of the first firearms added to H3VR (before it even carried that name, in fact), along with the "Cartoon 8 Gauge" sawn-off shotgun, was the "Cyber Pistol", a fictional semi-automatic handgun with an integrated laser sight. It feeds from a 9-round single-stack magazine; this initially used a simple, proprietary round known only as "Cyber Pistol" ammunition; in Update #52, it was changed to use the same "10mm DSM" ammo as the LAPD 2019 Blaster. The Cyber Pistol isn't presently attainable through the standard item spawner, though some scenes feature an Easter egg fully-automatic version with infinite ammo, and the standard version can be obtained through random spawns in modes such as Take & Hold.
One of the six gifts added with the 25th and final day of the Meatmas 2018 event (5 firearms and one attachment) was a Desert Eagle; more specifically, a .357 Magnum-chambered Desert Eagle L5, a short-barreled lightweight version meant to comply with certain legal restrictions (some US states having a ban on any handgun over 50 ounces (approx. 1.4 kg)). This variant completed the in-game trifecta of the 3 standard Desert Eagle calibers: .357 Magnum, .44 Magnum, and .50 AE (excluding more obscure and rare chamberings, like .440 Cor-Bon, .41 Magnum, and .429 DE). This is, notably, the first documented appearance of this particular Desert Eagle variant in any known form of media.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingMagnum Research Desert Eagle L5 - .50 AEError creating thumbnail: File missingHow fitting that the variant given on Christmas is the only one small enough to actually fit into one of these gift boxes like this. And, for that matter, quite likely the only one that's light enough to not rip a hole in the bottom when you hold it from the sides.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading the truncated Desert Eagle. Being chambered in .357, each one of these magazines holds 9 rounds.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPausing for a moment to strike a pose that would probably look a whole lot cooler from anybody else's perspective.Error creating thumbnail: File missing"Aww, don't listen to them! I think you're a very handsome young man. Besides, I'm sure you'll grow into your frame by the time you hit college. Just look at your father! He wasn't very big either when he was your age, but then he hit his growth spurt in high school, and ZWOOP! Up he went! Here, I think we have some of his old pictures from his middle school days somewhere around here..."Error creating thumbnail: File missingRacking the L5, in an attempt to intimidate away the crippling loneliness that causes one to apply human personalities to firearms and vent to strangers in database pages.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLining up the sights, and...Error creating thumbnail: File missing"See! Look at you! I knew you could do it! You're doing great, especially for your age! And if all those other kids don't want to let you be their friend, then you know what I think? I think that that's. Their. Loss. Now, if you want, we could go downtown and get some ice cre-"Error creating thumbnail: File missingNO! STAY OUT OF MY HEAD, DAMN IT!Error creating thumbnail: File missingOne shot in illusion plus eight in self-doubting anger equals nine, and that equals an empty pistol.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThis, of course, merits a mag-flick so tacticool that it breaks the laws of the universe. And maybe some therapy. The accident was thirteen years ago. You were just a little boy. I was drinking that night. There was nothing you could have done. It's time for you to move on. You can't keep living like this. You have to let go...
Desert Eagle Mark VII
A Desert Eagle Mark VII, chambered in .44 Magnum is one of the available firearms in-game. It was added in Update #26, an update that (perhaps more significantly) also added the Meat Grinder gamemode.
On April Fools' Day of 2018, Update #52's 7th alpha build was released. Among other things, this included the "Degle.50", a cardboard Desert Eagle held together with duct tape. The weapon was meant as a joke response to a poorly-spelled Steam request for a replica of the Desert Eagle seen in Blue Estate. It fires the ".50 Imaginary" round, of which several types (with names just as eloquent as that of the pistol itself) are available. To top it off, all of the Degle's sound effects were created by game director Anton Hand - not mixed, mind you, but literally created - the sounds are all Anton saying various onomatopoeia associated with the weapon's functions.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing"a wepon 2 sirpas metle geer".Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading a cardboard magazine into the cardboard pistol. These magazines hold 8 rounds; a real .50 Desert Eagle's magazine holds only seven, but then again, this isn't even supposed to be a "real" Desert Eagle in-game.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOne of the more curious elements of the Degle is its fully functional safety, seen here in the "safe" position...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and here in the "fire" position, with each manipulation of the switch producing an audibly bearded "tink".Error creating thumbnail: File missingPulling back the slide; note that, interestingly, the Degle's black marker markings are written slightly differently on either side of the barrel, reflecting its small-hand-made nature.Error creating thumbnail: File missingDemonstrating a small child's understanding of the concept called "aiming"; the cardboard sights are actually more serviceable than one might think, not that this shot really shows that.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe Degle in full recoil; yes, it even ejects cardboard casings.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA list of the various types of .50 Imaginary rounds available, seen here in the ammo spawning panel. From top to bottom: "BOOOMY" (fragmenting explosive) rounds, "FLASHY" (tracer) rounds, the currently-selected "MEGA!!1!" rounds, "NERMAL" (normal) rounds, "POINTYOWW!" (armor-piercing) rounds, and "SOOPER SPESHUL" (high-velocity) rounds.Error creating thumbnail: File missingTaking a look at an empty magazine...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...the model of which changes to reflect when it's loaded, as seen here with a full load of "NERMAL" cardboard rounds.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe use of the game's optional bullet trails reveals that these have more or less the ballistics one would expect out of a piece of cardboard fired from another piece of cardboard. Nermal indeed.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOn the other hand, the "SOOPER SPESHUL" rounds fly straight as an arrow. Also note the exaggerated cloud of smoke, yet another by-product of this being a child's interpretation of how a gun works.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe "BOOOMY" ammo, which produces a suitably impressive spray of red glowing shrapnel.Error creating thumbnail: File missingTaking a look at a magazine full of blue-tipped "MEGA!!1!" rounds through the locked-open slide's ejection port; the cardboard rounds are, in fact, color-coded. But u cant see wat da MEGA bullitz do, becuz its SOOOOOOOPER SEEKRIT!!1!1!!!1
Desert Eagle Mark XIX
To compliment the .44 Mark VII, Update #58 added a Desert Eagle Mark XIX in .50 Action Express. The in-game handgun is a more recent Magnum Research model, with rails on the barrel and frame, and a ported barrel.
Update #81 brought in the game's first muzzle-loading firearm (barring the GP-25, if you want to get pedantic), a .69-caliber Flintlock Pistol of supposed 18th century origin; it uses a completely proprietary code-base (the most complex of any firearm in the game), with a wide variety of possible interactions and results (whether beneficial or otherwise).
Error creating thumbnail: File missingNew Land Pattern flintlock pistol - .65 caliber. Somewhat similar to the pistol in-gameError creating thumbnail: File missingExamining the flintlock pistol; unlike the reference image, this one lacks brass fittings, and has a rounded butt.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA simple weapon in appearance and function alike, but a wonderful one to see here nevertheless.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA close-up of the lockplate, showing off the leather-padded screw-jaw used to hold the flint in the hammer (or the cock, if your dedication to vocabulary outstrips your desire not to hear everyone giggling like a middle school biology class), as well as the simple v-spring used to put tension on the frizzen (a word whose meaning will be elaborated on further down the page).Error creating thumbnail: File missingTo load the pistol, one must first half-cock the hammer...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and then grab this thing. Said thing is a paper cartridge, containing a pre-measured charge of powder, a single lead ball, and a note from Mom telling you to have a good first day at school.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAfter punching yourself in the face with a VR controller tearing open the cartridge with your teeth, the next step is to drop some powder into the flash-pan, either by tapping the button to drop individual clumps (as attempting to simulate a powdered substance in PhysX would likely cause blackouts across half the county), or by simply upending the cartridge and pouring out powder; the maximum clump count is five. Then, just close up the frizzen with a swipe of the hand (lest the priming powder fall out when the pistol is tipped over), and move to the muzzle.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe rest of the powder can simply be dumped down the barrel.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAlong with the rest of the cartridge.Error creating thumbnail: File missingIf speed isn't your speed, loose powder is an option, with the source of the Spice being this wooden flask.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe lid's not just for show; this is a mythical Powder Flask of Holding, and as such will continue to produce black powder when tipped over until either the lid is put back into place, or the universe is destroyed by an endless flood of slightly clumpy propellant.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnyway, this is a lead ball. Keep out of reach of children.Error creating thumbnail: File missingTo finish off either reloading method, one must pull the ramrod from the stone...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and then shove everything into place (to prevent it from falling out, and compress the powder properly for maximum effect). The ramrod makes a tapping noise whenever it bottoms out, with the noise dropping in pitch when the contents can't be pushed any further; interestingly, the maximum depth it can reach depends on the contents of the barrel, with larger amounts of powder/projectiles (both of which can be loaded to whatever degree the user desires, at the risk of jamming in a ball without propellant, getting a squib (a bullet that doesn't have enough energy to leave the barrel), or blowing up the gun).Error creating thumbnail: File missingFinally, just fully cock the hammer, and you're ready to fire.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThis image would be captioned "Aiming down the pistol's sights" if it had any.Error creating thumbnail: File missingUpon pulling the trigger, there is first a flash in the flash-pan, caused by the hammer's flint making sparks as it strikes/opens the frizzen, and igniting the powder beneath. The more powder that is placed into the pan, the larger and longer-lasting this flash is, with the only real reason to add more being dramatic effect.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAfter this second-fractional delay, the main charge goes off, and a .69-inch hole hopefully appears in whatever you were aiming at.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOf course, slamming a small stone into a piece of iron repeatedly isn't going to do wonders for the former, necessitating replacement from time to time (unless you just want to ignore the hammer entirely and set off the priming powder with a strike-anywhere match, which this game also lets you do); to do this, half-cock the hammer, click the hammer's screw to loosen it, remove the old flint, insert a new one, and re-tighten the screw. These steps are all condensed into one screenshot here, because I have a finite amount of patience.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnother flintlock, this time in the Proving Grounds, with its ramrod shoved into the barrel. Why, you ask?Error creating thumbnail: File missingTo use as a projectile, of course! (And yes, this Sosig is on fire, as the flintlock is perfectly capable of igniting targets close enough to the muzzle when not loaded with an actual projectile.)Error creating thumbnail: File missingOuch.
FN Five-seveN
Update #58 added a much-requested handgun, the FN Five-seveN. The in-game weapon is a USG model, the most common of the bunch (despite no longer being in production), and has an FDE frame. The name "Five-seveN" refers to the pistol's 5.7x28mm ammunition, which unlike Heckler & Koch's rival 4.6mm round is not completely useless as pistol ammunition. The capitalization used in the Five-seveN's name is to highlight the "FN" in FN Herstal's name, as well as presumably to appeal to fans of American thrash metal.
So far the only known media appearance of this fairly rare French machine pistol, the UNION was a version of the Ruby capable of full-auto fire. It had a distinctive 35-round horseshoe magazine, which is replicated in-game.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingFrench UNION with magazine and loading tool - .32 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingWhen you have a game with the word "Horseshoes" in the name, you need to have a gun involving horseshoes. It's just mandatory.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in the magazine...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...which results in something exactly as ridiculous-looking as you'd expect.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPulling back the UNION's slide.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming; this is a rather pointless activity, considering both the weapon's lack of sights and its short effective range.Error creating thumbnail: File missingUnleashing a barrage of .32 ACP rounds.Error creating thumbnail: File missing35 of the aforementioned rounds later, the UNION locks open, showing off the fluting of the barrel, which is normally covered by the slide.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA closeup of the pistol, following a quick mag change. This shows off the labeled witness holes in the magazine (which actually allow for the viewing of cartridges in-game, and are placed every 5 rounds, starting at 15), as well as the markings, which read "PISTOLET AUTOMATIQUE FRANCAIS" on the first line, "FABRIQUE A STETIENNE-CAL 7.65" on the second, "UNION" both on the grip and to the right of the other slide markings (in quotation marks on the latter, oddly enough), and "TRADE MARK" surrounding a manufacturer's logo in the center of the grip panel. While not visible here, the front of the lower frame indicates that the serial number is 0424, and the magazine is marked "CHARGEUR "UNION" CAL.7/65 BTE S.G.D.G".Error creating thumbnail: File missingJust in case it wasn't ridiculous enough already, the unique magazine shape of the UNION allows for... this.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThat, in turn, allows for a particularly enterprising lunatic to do this. And they said that the engine didn't support loose chains...
Glock 17
Update #53 added a series of 9x19mm Glock pistols, the first of which being the ubiquitous Glock 17 to H3VR, specifically a 4th-generation model. It comes in 2 flavors - vanilla, and "Custom", the latter having a flared magazine well, raised aftermarket iron sights, a slide-mounted red dot sight, and a modified slide resembling the ZEV Technologies Dragonfly, with diagonal slide serrations and milling cuts around the barrel. It also comes with a unique 20-round magazine, interchangeable with the other 9mm Glocks.
The third (or, again, fourth if the customized G17 is counted) and final Update #53 Glock is a 3rd-gen Glock 19 with an FDE frame and a extended threaded barrel. Before it was made a usable weapon, a cartoonish-looking compact-sized Glock was made available to Soldier Weinerbots in Update #46.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingGlock 19 - 9x19mm ParabellumError creating thumbnail: File missingLooking over the G19; the "19", "AUSTRIA", and "9x19" markings are present, but the manufacturer's trademark is conspicuously absent.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe other side of the Glock. Not much to say here. Well, not without starting a debate about Flat Dark Earth finishes, anyway.Error creating thumbnail: File missingMashing a 33-round magazine into the pistol. The G19 has no magazine of its own; presumably, this is due to the fact that while the other 9x19mm Glocks' magazines can fit into the G19, the G19's 15-rounder can't fit into the larger models, and H3's code doesn't support that sort of one-way compatibility.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPutting the first of the 33 aforementioned cartridges into the chamber.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA look at the sights; unlike the G17 and G18 (but like the G22), the G19 uses 3-dot irons.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe alpha build of Update #69 changed these dots from white to a bright, luminous green, making the sights easier to use in low-light environments, at the cost of making them harder to use in high-radioactive-waste environments.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLetting a 9x19mm round fly.
Glock 22
The Glock 22 is one of the available handguns in-game, added in Update #5; a version converted to fire in full-auto was added in a later update.
Stealth-added as a rare drop in Take & Hold and Meat Grinder, the "Gluger" is (as the name would imply) a hybrid of a Glock and a Luger - to be exact, it's a Glock 19 frame with a Luger P08 barrel, toggle system, and upper frame.
The fourth alpha of Update #85 added another long-requested handgun - the Heckler & Koch Mark 23, complete with its distinctive attachable LAM.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingHeckler & Koch Mark 23 - .45 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingSkulking about in a secret underground purple-manufacturing facility, Solid Steak draws his Mark 23.Error creating thumbnail: File missingHe then turns off the safety.Error creating thumbnail: File missingExamining the other side of the pistol; note the lack of front cocking serrations, showing this to be a production model, rather than the prototypes that some games depict.Error creating thumbnail: File missingBeing the strong, capable agent that he is, Steak forgoes having a loader, and instead simply loads and operates his crew-served handgun alone.Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering a round (and appropriately tilting the barrel upwards); seeing as this is an Offensive Handgun Weapon System, what else would this be but .45 ACP?Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming at a wall, waiting for an exclamation mark to pop up above it.Error creating thumbnail: File missing"Maybe it was the right thing to do, maybe it wasn't. I don't know, and I'm not sure if I ever will. All I know is that, in that moment, I had a choice: me, or the wall. The fact that I'm saying this should tell you which one I chose."Error creating thumbnail: File missingHaving finished his brooding, Steak dramatically pitches an empty magazine into the floor.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOf course, what's the point of a SOCOM without the fixings? The suppressor was already in the game (having been added along with the "QC9 PDW"), while the proprietary (i.e. not Picatinny-compatible) LAM unit was implemented for this gun alone.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAs with the real deal, it has multiple functions: there's a laser...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...a flashlight...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and (C), all of the above. The real deal also has IR options, but implementing night-vision goggles into a game like H3 would require more time, effort, and bug-hunting than would ultimately be worth it.Error creating thumbnail: File missingEngaging in the time-honored tradition of camping in the enemy team's spawn with a decked-out Mark 23; recoil reduction can be achieved with a spare magazine in the off-hand, allowing you to put your Harries technique practice to good use even with an underbarrel flashlight.
Heckler & Koch SP5K
One of the many Heckler & Koch MP5 variants added in Update #63, the SP5K is a civilian semi-auto-only variant of the MP5K, and can be considered a current-day equivalent to H&K's earlier SP89. H3VR is the first piece of media known to include the SP5K. It accounts for 4 of the update's 28 MP5 variants, all of which differ in stocks: the standard SP5K doesn't have one, the "SP5KA2" has a fixed stock, the "SP5KA3" has a collapsible stock, and the "SP5K Folding" has a PDW-style folding stock. These are relatively in keeping with standard MP5 naming conventions (though H&K isn't known to use the word "folding" in any of its firearm names), but are all fictional - the SP5K is intended for the US civilian market as a "pistol" (which is why it is on the H3VR pistol page, even though technically it is a compact carbine), and giving it a stock would make it subject to NFA regulations on short-barreled rifles; while a stocked SP5K could be created, it isn't a factory product, and anyone who created/purchased one would have to pay $200.00 USD to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives to own it.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingHeckler & Koch SP5K - 9x19mm ParabellumError creating thumbnail: File missingJumping right on into things, and pulling back the SP5K's charging handle.Error creating thumbnail: File missingWhat's this locking notch for, you ask? Well, in the words of a certain mouse (whose name shan't be mentioned here, for fear of copyright infringement), "It's a surprise tool that will help us later!"Error creating thumbnail: File missingPausing the into-things-jumping for a second to admire the SP5K.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe other side. Note the paddle-style magazine release in front of the trigger guard; this was later removed, as it isn't a feature of the actual SP5K. This is due to the fact that the paddle magazine release on a standard MP5 is attached to the front receiver pin, which isn't included on civilian semi-auto lower receivers. This, in turn, is due to BATFE regulations on automatic weapons; civilian MP5 lowers don't use the standard receiver pin setup, because if they did, then the BATFE would regulate them as machine guns, on the grounds that one could easily affix a select-fire MP5 trigger group to the otherwise semi-auto firearm and make it fully-automatic.Error creating thumbnail: File missingBeing, as mentioned, aimed at civilians, the SP5K's selector switch has only 2 settings: "no bullets"...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and "one bullet".
One of a pair of USPs added in Update #69, the Heckler & Koch USP Match adds to H3's pool of available .45s. The irony of a gun with a "six-inch" barrel being added in update #69 may have been noted by those readers whose minds are in the gutter.
Update #87, which carried a general theme of Half-Life 2 (in part due to the release of Half-Life: Alyx a couple days prior), added an additional variant of the USP Match chambered in 9x19mm.
The Intratec TEC-9 is one of the game's available firearms; it has a rather strange "tacticool" orange paintjob. Initially, 2 versions were available - a standard semi-auto variant, and a variant converted to full-auto; Update #53 changed the latter into a converted Interdynamic KG-9, leaving only the standard semi-auto version.
Update #53 added an IWI Uzi Pro Pistol. True to its real-life nature, it is treated in-game as a semi-auto-only closed-bolt pistol, rather the machine pistol that it is sometimes assumed to be.
Update #50 added a Kimber Warrior, fitted with non-standard grip panels, raised red illuminated iron sights, and a permanently-attached red dot sight, known as the "M1911A1 Tactical". The sixth alpha build of Update #52 added a further customized model, with a slide with milling cuts, a different slide-mounted RDS, and bone grips, called the "M1911A1 Operator".
Error creating thumbnail: File missingKimber Warrior - .45 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingA nice, close look at the Kimber Warrior. Also seen here is the indoor range's target board; it leaves a black mark wherever a shot is placed on the corresponding target downrange, with the most recent hit being red.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA view through the Warrior's integrated RDS, which also shows off the co-witnessed illuminated sights. Meanwhile, RSOs around the world wince at the direction that the pistol is pointed.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe Warrior, locked open after a successful mag dump. The extended magazine seen here was added to the game with the weapon, holds 11 rounds, and can be freely interchanged with the standard 7-rounders.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading a new magazine into the Warrior.
"M1911A1 Operator"
Error creating thumbnail: File missingExamining the left side of the "Operator"...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and the right side. Due to a now-patched bug, the trigger is inside of the magazine well, similar to the Colt Defender above. The slide markings denote the pistol (or at least the slide) as being made by the fictitious "SNOW TIGER FIREARMS INC".Error creating thumbnail: File missingFollowing the aforementioned patch, the pistol looks like this. The pistol's fictional manufacturers apparently saw fit to put their PO box number on the slide, and the end owner saw it equally appropriate to write "#03" on the red-dot sight. As you do.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPulling the now-visible trigger, while showing off the other side's markings. The markings on the frame all but confirm the gun's identity; after all, Kimber is the only gun company based in Yonkers, NY.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming the Operator. Like the earlier Tactical model, the Operator has an integrated red-dot sight, albeit a different, higher-profile model than the earlier pistol.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring a round. As with all the other M1911 variants, it's chambered in .45 ACP.Error creating thumbnail: File missingReplacing the now-empty magazine with a fresh one.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFinishing off the reload with a quick tug of the slide. Note that the slide is further back here than it was in the previous shot; H3 does, in fact, show that a weapon's bolt or slide can be pulled back past its lock point.
Kolibri Pistol
The largest gift added in the 2018 Month Of Meatmas event was also the smallest (centerfire) pistol in existence, the diminutive Austro-Hungarian Kolibri Pistol. The pistol was added following a long series of community requests to add the pistol (dating back all the way to 2016); the acknowledged impossibility of adding the pistol (as its minuscule size would result in the player smacking their VR controllers together whenever they tried to, say, load it) led to asking for its inclusion becoming a running joke within the game's community. The version in-game took this joke to its logical conclusion; it is known as the "Kolibri9001", and is 10 times larger than normal, firing 27x90mm shells. Like the "Oversized" version of the M1911A1 added earlier, these proprietary shells are available in several exotic and unusual forms; also like the earlier artillery piece, the Kolibri9001 is modified for use by a normal-sized human being, being fitted with an M1911A1's lower frame and trigger in place of its own, and an underbarrel railed handguard seemingly based on that of an AR-15-pattern rifle, which has an integrated laser sight tucked into the center.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingKolibri Pistol (with US penny for scale) - 2.7x9mm KolibriError creating thumbnail: File missing"And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but the world's smallest pistol, the size of a deer."Error creating thumbnail: File missingExamining the Kolibri9001. A lovely example of malicious compliance. The hard-to-make-out marking just above the ejection port reads "AUTOMAT-PISTOL", just like on the real steel. There'd be no reason for the markings to be obfuscated, after all; the Austro-Hungarian watchmaker Franz Pfannl, who created the pistol, no longer exists, and neither does his company.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe other side. Considering the grip arrangement, this could technically be classified as a bullpup.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnd, considering the rounds it uses, it's also technically a cannon.Error creating thumbnail: File missingSpeaking of rounds, it's about time that some got loaded, isn't it?Error creating thumbnail: File missingThis is followed by quite possibly the single most awkward sling-shotting of a pistol's slide in human history.Error creating thumbnail: File missingGiving the integrated underbarrel laser sight a try. It's pretty convenient, especially since the Kolibri doesn't have a front sight (and the rear one isn't exactly usable).Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring off some Frag shells at a snowflake. Poor thing never knew what hit it...Error creating thumbnail: File missingUnlike a normal-sized Kolibri (if you can really call a Kolibri's size "normal"), the Kolibri9001 has a slide hold-open device. This conveniently allows the user to clearly see what sort of ammo is being used; here, the first of 6 HEAT shells lies in wait.Error creating thumbnail: File missingHEAT shells, contrary to what one might expect based on the name, are not incendiary; "HEAT" stands for "High-Explosive Anti-Tank", and refers to armor-piercing shells meant for use against, well, tanks.Error creating thumbnail: File missingShould one wish to bring some actual heat, the napalm-launching "Inferno" rounds are always a good option...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...provided, that is, that your computer can withstand the resultant onslaught of particle effects without winding up looking like them.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnother fun option are the "Megabuck" shells, which function like buckshot...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...except instead of small lead pellets, they launch six .50 BMG tracer projectiles. Use against an actual buck is not advised, unless you like your venison in burger form.Error creating thumbnail: File missingRemember those shells from earlier? Here's the "Smokescreen", which launches out 2 projectiles per shot...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...each one, as the name would imply, generating a cloud of smoke. Useful for hiding small towns.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe "Tri-Flash" shells also do pretty exactly what they say on the can, firing out 3 impact-fused flashbangs at a time. The effects are roughly similar to picking up your phone in the middle of the night to check a text and forgetting that you have the brightness all the way up. While the demon that lives under your bed randomly sets off a bunch of M-80s in your pillowcase.
"Llock"
A companion to the "Gluger" above, the "Llock" is also a rare drop in Take & Hold and Meat Grinder; as the name implies, it is the inverse of the Gluger, with a Glock 19 slide and barrel on a Luger P08 frame.
The fourth alpha build of Update #76 added another much-requested firearm, the Makarov PM.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingMakarov PM - 9x18mm MakarovError creating thumbnail: File missingInspecting the Makarov PM in the indoor range. The markings on the slide and directly behind the slide release both read "1TД", while the frame marking behind the safety indicates that it was manufactured in 1966.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe right side; here, the lovely contrast between the deep-red Bakelite grips and the dark-blued steel makes itself apparent.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in an 8-round magazine. These have a large hole in the side to view the current remaining ammunition, a feature which H3 correctly depicts.Error creating thumbnail: File missingRacking the slide. One of the suspected reasons for the Makarov's continued popularity as a police sidearm in the former Eastern Bloc is the gap between the barrel and the bottom of the frame when the slide is pulled back, as this gap allows the pistol to serve as a makeshift bottle opener.Error creating thumbnail: File missingTaking aim at a target. For what is definitely the first time. Yep, absolutely. Those three holes up at the top are of no concern to you, citizen. Move along.Error creating thumbnail: File missingSee? As an officer of the law, I obviously know exactly how to line up the sights of my own service sidearm.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFive Eight shots later, our friendly, honest, definitely truth-telling policeman friend drops his pistol's magazine, and then goes to do some heavy drinking important government business with the locked-back slide.
Mauser C96
Update #43 introduced the Mauser C96 to the game. The weapon holds 10 rounds of the 7.63x25mm Mauser cartridge (which, like some in the game, was added before there were any weapons that could use them), and can be reloaded round-by-round or with a 10-round stripper clip.
In a similar vein to its 3 extra Luger variants, Update #52 brought along 3 variants of the Mauser C96, the first being a Mauser M712 Schnellfeuer machine pistol. The German word "Schnellfeuer" literally means "rapid fire."
The Mk 22 Mod 0 "Hush Puppy", a long-requested variation of the Smith & Wesson 39 used by US special forces during the Cold War, was added in Update #82; the update itself was themed around noise, with its other additions including a pair of improvised suppressors (one made of a soda bottle, and another made from an oil filter), and several decidedly less subtle attachments (including a gramophone-esque "loudener" attachment, a bicycle horn and bell, and a foregrip made out of an airhorn).
Moses Brothers Self-Defense Engine Frontier Model B
Unlocked as a reward, the "Frontier Model B" is a precise replica of Captain Malcom's gun from Serenity and Firefly. While the original prop was actually a Taurus Model 85 in a multi-part casing meant to make it look like a semi-automatic, magazine-fed handgun, in-game it is just that- a magazine-fed, semi-automatic handgun that holds 6 rounds (plus one in the chamber) of the proprietary .36 Moses cartridge.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe prop of Mal's handgun, as seen in Firefly.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLet's see... a decanter without any contents, a calculator without any buttons, John Lennon's glasses without any temples, a revolver cosplaying as a semi-auto, and a Big Red Button. This is gonna be... interesting.Error creating thumbnail: File missingExamining the penultimate item on the list.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in a magazine. 2 things are worth noting here: the design of the cartridge, and the design of the magazine. The latter doesn't work like a traditional magazine; instead of being stacked on top of one another, the rounds are stacked end-to-end, only one layer deep. The former seems to consist solely of a fully-jacketed pistol-caliber bullet, with no visible casing (accordingly, no casings are ejected when the weapon fires); this would seemingly it to be a caseless round, rather like the "Rocket Balls" of the Volcanic Repeater, upon which the original prop was inspired. This does not, however, account for the pistol's immense damage per shot, as the Volcanic's ammunition was notoriously weak; the pistol is implied to use some sort of electromagnetic acceleration system (presumably either a coilgun- or railgun-type system), so any actual propellant in the cartridges is most likely just to start the projectile moving.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPulling back the pistol's top plate, which serves to both retract the bolt and cock the hammer.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPausing for a moment to appreciate the pistol. Something about brass on a gun just... works.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe pistol's (rather wide) iron sights, as seen a bit closer to the eye than is strictly advisable. To be fair, the brass front blade blends in with the drab color scheme of Wurstworld rather too well for most eyes' liking.Error creating thumbnail: File missingReducing a cactus to a shower of spines and sparks, following it making a largely incoherent threat to eat the entire crew alive. Gorram savages...Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe threat defeated, a few shots into the air are merited. Note both the reciprocation of the top-plate, and the blue muzzle flash, similar to that of the "Cyber Pistol" above.Error creating thumbnail: File missingDumping out an empty magazine, and getting back to the job at hand.
"Pistol"
One of the firearms added in the "Meat Fortress" update (an officially-licensed crossover with Team Fortress 2), the "Pistol" is a duplicate of the one from TF2, being a mix of Walther PPK (ejection port, grip panels, lower gripframe) and Makarov PM (slide, trigger, upper frame) with a Smith & Wesson Model 61 Escort-esque rounded trigger guard. Of note is that the original model was largely static (with only the magazine being an actual moving part), forcing gamedev Anton Hand to rework the model for use with H3's firearm systems. Of note is that the "Pistol", along with all the other Meat Fortress weapons, are not classified based on their actual weapon type; instead, they occupy a special "Meat Fort" class in the in-game item spawner.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingMakarov PM - 9x18mm MakarovError creating thumbnail: File missingWalther PPK - .380 ACPError creating thumbnail: File missingSmith & Wesson Model 61 Escort - .22 LRError creating thumbnail: File missingThrow 'em all together with a healthy dose of cartoonishness, and you get this puppy.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA close-up of the inside of the pistol, showing the work done in its remodeling - the inside of the slide, the magazine well, the feed ramp, the rear end of the barrel, the front end of the barrel, and all of the slide and frame surfaces that's expose when the slide comes back had to be modeled at H3's end.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAlso added were appropriate functions for the hammer, seen here cocked; the pistol operates in SA/DA mode in-game, unlike TF2's seeming DAO.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAnd, of course, what good is a hammer without a trigger to drop it? The one in-game recesses itself near-totally into the frame when pulled, as seen here.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLooking at a magazine; true to the source material, these hold 12 rounds. The pistol in this build uses .45 ACP; all of these TF2-derived weapons initially used standard calibers as placeholders, so as to avoid accidental leaking of project-related information before the crossover was announced.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading the Pistol with one of the aforeobserved magazines; note that the stamping in the top of the magazine is modeled in 3D, as opposed to the original game, wherein it was simply part of a flat texture.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPointing the Pistol at a Sosig Heavy's head; as with many of these weapons, the sights aren't exactly... traditional.Error creating thumbnail: File missingSwitching targets to a nearby Sosig Engineer, and dumping rounds into its "torso". Note that, due to its non-standard layout, the Pistol ejects to the left instead of the right.Error creating thumbnail: File missingDumping an empty magazine out of the locked-empty pistol, and declaring solemnly that it really do be like that sometimes.Error creating thumbnail: File missingPerforming a dual simultaneous reload with a brace of pistols, showing off 2 loaded magazines; in keeping with their Russian-sounding name, the Pistols' proprietary "11mm Manchevskikovovichidev" rounds are steel-cased, with a dull copper-jacketed bullet and a red ring of death case sealant.Error creating thumbnail: File missingInterestingly, several of the TF2 weapons can equip suppressors, the Pistol among them; this is a "Large A" Maxim Silencer (the first commercially-available firearm suppressor), one of 6 variants thereof added in Update #76 - there are 3 sizes, each in "A" (standalone) and "B" (adaptor-fitted) variants.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring one of these produces an exaggerated, high-pitched "pew" sound, befitting of a game as cartoonish and exaggerated as TF2.Error creating thumbnail: File missingOn the topic of suppressors, Update #83 added several community-designed ones meant to fit the TF2 arsenal; this is the Pistol's. The flared-out profile fits the cartoonish artstyle, while the finish matches the gun's frame to a T.
Remington 1866 Derringer
The second derringer added with the release of Update #85 was an ornately-decorated Remington 1866 Derringer, going by its alternate name of "Model 95" in-game. Holding just two manually-indexed rounds of the rather anemic .41 Short cartridge (with poor accuracy to boot), the Remington holds the somewhat dubious honor of being quite possibly the least useful firearm in the game - while the the earlier-added Volcanic Repeater does slightly less damage per shot, it has fourfold the capacity and enough accuracy to put all eight of those rounds into one side of a barn, a claim the Model 95 can't make in complete honesty.
The Ruger Mk III is one of the available firearms in-game; it was added in Update #5, and was, until the release of Update #56, the only weapon in the game chambered in .22 Long Rifle. Notably, its magazine safety (a system that prevents the pistol from firing if no magazine is inserted) is correctly simulated in-game.
Update #59's ninth alpha build added the Ruger Mk IV, an improved version of the Mk III with a simplified disassembly procedure. 2 versions were added: a stainless Hunter model with high-contrast illuminated sights, and a Standard model with a custom integrated suppressor, known as the "Whisper" variant. As with the earlier Mk III, the Mk IVs both have simulated magazine safeties.
Update #57 added one firearm, the Compact-eXploder machine pistol, made by Japanese science fiction mangaka Masamune Shirow's fictional arms company Seburo. In-game, the weapon is referred to as the "SCX" (i.e. Seburo Compact-eXploder), and fires the 4.6x30mm HK round (its caliber never being specified in the original source material).
The first alpha build of Update #90 was one that'd been requested for quite some time: a SIG-Sauer P226R, known in-game as the "P226 Mk 25" (the US Navy-issued version), with 15- and 20-round magazines available.
The compact version of the SIG-Sauer P250 is one of the available firearms in-game. It has a two-tone finish, is chambered in .45 ACP, and was added in Update #5.
Added in the third alpha of Update #85, the Steyr M1912 expands H3's roster of clip-fed pistols, and is one of only two firearms in the game chambered in 9x23mm Steyr (the other one of which, added concurrently, is below).
The M1912/P.16, the select-fire variant of the above Steyr M1912, was added concurrently with the former in Update #85's third alpha build. It is permanently fitted with a stock (as, unlike most pistol stocks, the M1912's wraps around the entire grip, making even the game's version of interchangeability unfeasible), and features the appropriate 16-round extended fixed magazine.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingSteyr M1912/P.16 - 9x23mm SteyrError creating thumbnail: File missingSteyr M1912 with stock - 9x23mm Steyr. Image provided to show the stock used on the in-game P.16Error creating thumbnail: File missingTaking a look at the M1912/P.16, right at the start of a "Battle Petite" match in the Meatmas Cappocolloseum.Error creating thumbnail: File missingStripping some rounds off of the first of two stripper clips. Or maybe the second. You have no real way of knowing.Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering what could just as easily be the first of eight rounds as it could be sixteen - again, you can't tell.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA minute or two of sausage-shooting later, and a quick peek at the right side of the pistol reveals this large switch on the frame.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFlipping it down results in...Error creating thumbnail: File missing"Yes, I know the rule of the Double Tap, but I think you crossed the line between "playing it safe" and "desecrating a corpse" about eleven rounds ago."Error creating thumbnail: File missingDoing a bit of post-battle bore inspection in a completely unsafe and inadvisable manner shows that the P.16 has a rather detailed interior, with rifling grooves in the barrel and a firing pin hole in the breech face (as does the normal M1912, though it's not suitably absurd to inspire this kind of poor decision-making). Exactly how light is entering the barrel at this angle is another matter entirely.
Thompson Center Arms Contender
The 12th alpha build of Update #52 added a Thompson Center Arms Contender pistol chambered in .45-70 Government, with a curious combination of a wooden forearm and a synthetic grip. Interestingly, it uses the same code-base as the earlier-added Orion Flare Gun, due to the near-identical manual of arms.
The Tokarev TT-33 is one of the available firearms in-game. It was the first "real" handgun added (barring the fictitious "Cyber Pistol"), and predates H3's release altogether; it was one of the few weapons included in the very first early access build of the game. Update #77's 1st alpha build replaced the earlier re-finished model with a newer, older-looking one.
...what? Were you expecting something that actually fits into the section and flows well? Nope. Too bad. This is all you get.Error creating thumbnail: File missingTokarev TT-33 with wooden grips - 7.62x25mm TokarevError creating thumbnail: File missingThe (slightly less) shiny new (yet older) Tokarev, courtesy of Update #77's 1st alpha.Error creating thumbnail: File missingGone are the aftermarket synthetic grips and redone finish, with checkered wood and a duller original bluing job replacing them.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLike the old model, the new model's magazine has functional witness holes; the rounds look different, as the 7.62x25mm Tokarev round had been migrated to the standard multi-type ammo system of the game's other weapons by this point.Error creating thumbnail: File missingChambering a round.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe TT-33's iron sights; much better integrated into the section this time, if not any easier to use on a gray target.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring off a round; the rather substantial powder charge of the 7.62x25mm round leads to an impressive muzzle flash, one which lingers a frame or two longer than usual, as seen here.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThat shot plus ceмь later, and the pistol locks empty, meriting the ejection of the now-empty magazine.
Volcanic Repeater
The Volcanic Repeater is one of the firearms added in the Wurstworld update. It's based on an early Smith and Wesson produced Navy model, with iron frame over the later brass frame, and is chambered for .41 caliber "Rocket Ball" rounds, which are (correctly) rather anemic.
The 19th day of Meatmas 2018 brought along a Webley & Scott Mk I autoloading pistol.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingWebley & Scott Mk I - .455 Webley AutoError creating thumbnail: File missingWhat better gift to give than a century-old autoloading handgun? Especially one with as much collector's value as this. Must've cost them a fortune, whoever "they" might be.Error creating thumbnail: File missingLoading in the standard 7-round magazine. Certainly not lacking in the "indicator holes" department...Error creating thumbnail: File missingPausing to admire the pistol. A well-made piece of kit, even if it does look a bit like someone built it out of a bunch of bits from other handguns with little regard as to what was supposed to go where.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFlipping the pistol over...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...and giving the slide a pull.Error creating thumbnail: File missingAiming at a distant crystal snowflake; the irons are a bit small by today's standards, but a damn sight better than some of the Webley's contemporaries.Error creating thumbnail: File missingFiring off a shot; at full size, the semi-rim of the .455 Webley Auto cartridge's case can just be glimpsed.Error creating thumbnail: File missingNeither that shot nor the six that followed hit their mark; while .455 Webley Auto (proprietary, at least in-game) runs at substantially higher velocities than the .455 Webley revolver round upon which it was based, it's still not even scraping the sound barrier, making long-distance shooting at anything smaller than a tectonic plate a bit of an exercise in futility.Error creating thumbnail: File missingWell, at least it's a conversation starter.
"Whizzbanger"
A weapon that vehemently resists all attempts at conventional classification, the "Whizzbanger" is arguably the strangest addition brought along by the 2019 April Fools' Day update - and that's saying something for an update that also added Sosigs with glowing red clown noses that bleed confetti. Based on a Pimp My Gun photo believed to have originated from 4chan, the Whizzbanger consists of an RIS foregrip, attached to which are a pair of scope mount-esque rings in front of a spring-loaded firing pin, meant to be struck with a provided mallet (though just about anything - other objects, walls, enemies, etc. - will also do the job). To top it all of, the cartridge of choice for this monstrosity is, of all things, .50 BMG (which is presumably why it sits with the anti-materiel rifles in the item spawner). Update #71 furthered this insanity by adding a 3rd, smaller ring to the front of the device, and allowing it to take attachments. Including suppressors.
Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe Pimp My Gun image that the Whizzbanger was based on.Error creating thumbnail: File missingSee, 4chan, this is why we can't have nice things.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThe other side of the Whizzbanger. Honestly, it's just in the pistol section because we can't think of a better place to put it. Maybe it should just get its own category.Error creating thumbnail: File missingContemplating how on Earth to shove a .50-caliber tracer round into the ring mounts.Error creating thumbnail: File missingWith that issue solved, the next thing to contemplate is why. Unfortunately, Jeff Goldblum's Jurassic Park quote has already been used on this page, as it would have summed this device up perfectly...Error creating thumbnail: File missingNever before has a firearm's hammer been so aptly named. Or a poor Sosig so completely oblivious of what's about to happen to it.Error creating thumbnail: File missingThough, granted, one has to feel just as bad for the person holding the damned thing. And no, this isn't a muzzle flash, because the term "muzzle flash" implies the existence of a muzzle, which implies the existence of a barrel.Error creating thumbnail: File missingA couple frames later, and the kick of an unsupported .50 BMG going off attached to little more than a lightweight handle kicks in. Not every day that somebody's cause of death is "decapitation by torso disintegration".Error creating thumbnail: File missingPopping the somehow-not-blown-apart spent case out of the Whizzbanger, and taking a moment to seriously think about the decisions that have led us all to this moment. So many mistakes...Error creating thumbnail: File missing...so what's another on the pile?Error creating thumbnail: File missingPointing a Gepard PDW at the monstrosity; not to rid the world of it, mind you, but to use it: another feature added to the Whizzbanger in Update #71 was the ability to hit the firing pin with bullets fired from other weapons. Rube Goldberg machines, anyone?
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